Viral Gratitude?

I’ve been sick since before New Year’s Eve.

(If you want, you can skip the sick part and jump to the gratitude!┬á ­čśë)

I was super-tired for two days, then in bed sleeping for most of two days, then up for a couple of hours for New Year’s Eve, then in bed sleeping for most of another few days. I had a variety of flu symptoms, but there was no rapid onset, and nothing was pronounced enough for me to think it was something I couldn’t get over with enough sleep, fluids, and symptom management.

A family member took me to the doctor when I became concerned about the coughing and wheezing, and I wanted reassurance that my symptoms were not related to something bacterial rather than something viral (although with asthma, either could be bad). The doctor quickly said he was sure what I have is viral, and said I should use the albuterol inhaler more often. He said most respiratory infections begin as viral infections. He said to return if I get worse. The chest x-ray showed nothing out of the ordinary.

I felt foolish for going to the doctor, feeling like I had probably over-reacted, but I told myself I had wanted to err on the side of caution. I felt like I had imposed on a family member for something that was probably not necessary. Why is it so easy to be self-critical? Why is it so hard to accept help?

Now most of the symptoms are gone except for the coughing and congestion and fatigue.

­čÖé

I woke up yesterday feeling great,and I imagined the kindness of my family member had made me well. ­čÖé In short order, I realized I’m not 100% yet, and I proceeded to hit the low that sometimes goes with being stuck in the not-quite-there zone.┬á┬áI’m actually getting well pretty quickly, as viruses go.┬áStill, I’m not good at not being 100%. It feeds self-doubt. It stirs up unhappy memories.┬á It’s easy to lose perspective when some of the usual options are missing.

I told myself I had to sit up and stay in the sunniest room during the sunny hours. That seems important, don’t you think? Sunshine feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

A friend called, a bubbly, sweet, supportive, encouraging friend.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? Talking with a good friend feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

Another friend sent photos of the snow, text messages, and WordsWithFriends games.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? Snow photos, texting and playing wwf with a good friend feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

             

I drank one cup of hot tea after another and was amused by the face made by my glasses and the mug handle.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? Sipping hot tea and finding humor in everyday things feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

I told myself I should do little bits of this and that as much as I felt like it, with much resting in the sunny room. I moved a little plant from water to dirt in a container.┬á I stirred up some bread dough. Making myself do something rather than feeling sorry for myself for not being 100% … that seems important, don’t you think? Doing what I feel good enough to do feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

  

My mom called and asked if I’d like some soup. My sister brought it to me.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? The kindness of people who love me feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

I’ve been ‘coughing my head off’ for most of the past 6 hours, slightly relieved by albuterol, but I know I’m on the mend. It’s just a slow process. I know I’m getting better day by day.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? Accepting where I am in this moment feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

It’s below freezing outside and I have shelter, a bed, food, a dog, a cat, and people who love me.┬áThat seems important, don’t you think? I have so much that feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?

    

­čÖé

I’m becoming grateful again. That seems important, don’t you think? Gratitude feels good to me. Feels good. Hmmm. Gratitude?┬á­čśë

Gratitude leads to gratitude┬áleads to gratitude┬áleads to gratitude┬áleads to gratitude …

“Gratitude is the antidote for all problems.” – cp

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